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Obama's first State of the Union address, tens of thousands of people dead and dying after the Haiti earthquake, a new Bin Laden tape, Gilbert Arenas gets suspended for the season, the Octmom's new beach-bod, Brad and Angelina. ANY(!) of those thing are more newsworthy than that stale "iPad sounds like a tampon" bit, which made the front page headlines on CNN.com. Come on, newsies, I really expect more out of you than that. What would Anderson Cooper think?

In other late-breaking news, the word "boner" is still really funny. More at 10.