| 06 October 2011
Greetings, nerds and faithful followers! It is with a heavy heart that I deliver this bleak broadcast, a regretful report on this week’s blustery, bodacious blockbuster, Reel Steal. To put it succinctly, Reel Steal is a doozy of a stinker!
To say I was looking forward to the latest Hugh Jackman juggernaut would be an understatement of outlandish proportions. As you all know, my devotion to the able-bodied Aussie extends to dressing my minion (aka Troy, my stepson) as a different Jackman inspired character every Hallow’s Eve. (Many of you remember him in his replica Wyatt Bose outfit from Jackman’s introductory scene in Deception, which I hand sewed by myself.) But this time you have broken my heart, Hugh!
Why Jackman would come up with a concept as foolish as Reel Steal confounds me. Who in their right mind would think anyone has the desire to watch a movie about any type of fishing? Look at all the past movies about fishing…Brad Pitt’s A River Runs Through It, Piranha II: The Spawning, Lethal Weapon III: Gone Fishin’, Deliverance… all complete commercial and critical failures! Furthermore, why involve robuts? You can’t win at fishing by using computers. Robuts are computers. Last year Troy broke the aquarium in the computer room. Water and fish got all over the computer. It died. Now Hugh Jackman wants me to buy that he can train a computer to be the best at fishing so he can knock off the First National Fisherman’s Bank during the country’s biggest fishing tournament. Hogwash! Sounds to me like Jackman needs to get a clue through his Adamantium* skull! As anyone who has ever been fishing will tell you, there’s something magical about the sport of fishing that computers cannot comprehend.
On top of all this, the performances are as heartless and soulless as the goddamn robuts and Eugene Levy’s direction lacks the charm that he brought to all those great American Pie movies. If you want a “reel” fun time and you need a Jackman fix, you’re better off spending a night in with the family watching a double feature of Swordfish (a much better fishing movie) and Van Helsing.
*note – I do not know what Adamantium is, but Troy insists this is funny.
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